Suzanne got a new iPhone the other day (and I inherited the old one; this is the second hand-me-down I’ve gotten, the first being a bizarre Windows phone that only marginally qualified as a “Smart phone”; I got her “old” iPhone 5c which does seem pretty smart in comparison). It’s bright and shiny and does all kinds of wonderful things, including making phone calls. Funny how the phone feature of most “phones” these days is not really one of the selling points (I almost typed “celling points” but decided that pun might just be too much); apps and texts and tweets and the fact that your phone can talk back to you (Siri, where did Ernestine go? Did she get fired?) without having to make a call to someone are the things that seem to attract most buyers these days (and what ever happened to the days when the phone company gave you a phone, albeit not one you could carry around in your pocket, for the privilege of gouging you on long-distance calls?).

Not too long ago, you walked into the phone store and plunked down a fifty bucks and walked out with a device that looked and mostly acted like the communicators on Star Trek, and that was pretty much their only function: to communicate. Now, you walk into the store and plunk down $600 to buy one; or even better, “lease” a Smart phone for $25 a month, with the right to get a new one every six months, since that seems to be the time-frame in which your phone becomes oboleted (I’ve decided to start making verbs out of nouns like GWB used to do; ah, how I miss that moron; he somehow looks almost intelligent, or at least benign, compared to the current crop of wackos running for President on the GOP side of the political spectrum) by Apple or Samsung.

In addition to the purchase price, we learned this time that you can get insurance for your phone, in case you drop it or lose it or it gets eaten by a bear while you are on vacation in Yellowstone Park (which, by the way, I understand has great reception; the park, not the bear). For only $8 a month, all of those mishaps, and many more, are covered. However, there is a deductible of $150, so over the course of your two-year lease you get to pay $192 plus $150 if something happens to the phone. That’s 57% of the price of the phone.

Hmmm.

So for comparison, let’s say you lease a $30,000 car for two years. The monthly insurance cost would be $400 and your deductible would be $7,500. Now, I suppose if you have two teenage sons, you might be paying $400 a month, but would you even let them drive your $30,000 car? An accident would wind up costing you $17,100 for the two years you had that car. Somehow seems like a lot to me.

Well, Suzanne declined the insurance for her bright, shiny new iPhone and vowed to herself never to drop or lose it, but it looks like we will have to cancel our trip to Yellowstone next summer. Wonder what there is to do in Topeka? Hope there aren’t any bears there.